My Judgement on Judgers

I am a mom who sometimes yells too soon.

I am a mom who puts a towel over the peed on spot and crawls back into bed.

I am a mom who can’t always tell you when the kids had their last baths.

I am a mom who bribes … frequently.

I am a mom who sometimes crawls in with the three year old that fell asleep in mom and dad’s bed and don’t move him to his own room.

I am a mom who looks at her iPhone and computer when playing with the kids.

I am, clearly, a mom who occasionally lets a swear word slip in front of the kids.

I am a mom who climbs the monkey bars while at the park.

I am a mom who gave up the “no fast food” rule, and now uses McDonalds for most special treats.

I am a mom who, many mornings, pulls the clean clothes out of the unfolded pile of clothes that’s been on the couch for a week.

I am a mom who will tell her son it’s 8:00 at 7:30 to avoid the “you’re going to bed early” argument.

I am a mom who is late … for everything,

I am a mom who stays home but still sends her son to school.

I am a mom who gave up the “no TV” rule, and has been known to get more sleep by letting her son watch Netflix on the computer next to her in bed.

I am a mom who lets her son wear whatever he wants…pajamas to school?  The ones that are two sizes too small and the top doesn’t match the bottom?  “Sure!  Less laundry”;  A dress to visit Owen in the hospital?  “If that’s really what you want to wear, but let’s bring shorts in case you change your mind later”;  Fire truck shoes that light up and are not even a little bit stylish?  “Really?  The bright red ones?  Alright, if that’s what you want.”

I am a mom who will give my 17-month-old any food I think he might be willing to eat.

I am a mom who often struggles to have a conversation about something that has nothing to do with being a mom.

But to me, my worst offense is this:

I am a mom who used to judge other moms for doing all of the above things.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suddenly perfect on the judging thing.  If you take a picture of your child playing with drug paraphernalia, I’m probably going to think you’re a loser.  If you drive drunk with your child in the car, I’m going to hope they throw the book at you.  If you say, “I wish this baby would just come now” when you’re 34 weeks pregnant, I’m going to call you out on the selfishness of what you’re saying.

However, I’ve got to say that there is nothing that’s humbled me more than bringing home a special needs baby and having a three year old at the same time.  Being a parent is hard – really, really, extremely and sometimes excruciatingly hard.  I am only 3 ¾ years into this parenting thing, and the further along I get, I only realize how much I don’t know.  But if I’ve learned one thing it’s to STOP JUDGING.  I don’t even live  up to my own ideals, so how can I possibly ask it of anyone else?

I don’t care if you had your first child at 15, 35 or 55.  I don’t care if you’re on welfare or a CEO of a Fortune 100.  I don’t care if you breastfeed or use formula.  I don’t care if you vaccinate or don’t vaccinate.  It doesn’t matter if you are attached to your child 24 hours of the day or if they go to day care at 6 weeks old.  You may have a good sleeper whether you let them cry it out or not.  Private School, Home School, Public School…it doesn’t matter.

Not one of these decisions makes anyone a better parent than the other.  Not one of these choices will insulate a child from all potential harm.  Not one of these options will make it so you have a perfect child that turns out exactly as you hoped.  Choices make it easier for YOU to do YOUR best job parenting to your INDIVIDUAL child.  Period.

And if you don’t believe it, I might judge you and wish another child who is completely different from your first on you :-).

Okay, I feel better – vent is over.  Can you tell I’ve seen too much mom-petition in the social and general media for my liking in the last few weeks?  Thanks for reading.  Even better, thanks for posting on the threads of all judging you see being done in your universe.  This mom thing could be pretty lonely if we didn’t all have each other to lean on.

And a special thanks to the eCards mastermind who wrote this one!


© Copyright Tatum, All rights Reserved. Written For: Ain't No Roller Coaster

10 thoughts on “My Judgement on Judgers

  1. Oh so true! We have in our head, how we would like to raise our children but staying consistent with that mind-set is another story. I’m glad my #3 child (YOU) were content to sit and talk to yourself and make up stories, while I ran after your two older rambunctious brothers. Who would have known, it would lead to the great story teller and great mom/woman you are today. I’m so proud of my little “Sweetie Tatum”. Love Mom

  2. Tatum,
    I’ve said it before, but I’m going to say it again. You are a talented writer and should really think about becoming a famous author!!!
    I guess we didn’t make a second visit over the summer. August was just an extremely busy month. I’m running to PT twice a week and gone most often for 4 day weekends. But after I get my flu shot I’m hoping I can come visit some day. Take care and keep in touch.

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  4. Love this post! I could not agree more. When new or expectant moms say things like, “I will never send my child to daycare…let my child sleep with me…etc….it actually makes me giggle inside because never say never with kids. My advice to them is similar to your statement…I tell them just to do what works for them and their kids. I still have to watch my judgements, but they tend to be on the moms that use non-disposable diapers, make dinner every night, teach their kids to read at age 2, play engaging educational games or activities with their kids all the time….actually it is probably jealously not judgment.

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