I think a lot of you figured out through CaringBridge (CB), that writing is really cathartic for me. There were days that I wrote because asking for prayers felt like the only thing that I could control. Other days I wrote to try to help me understand all the information that was coming into us. To make it simple enough to explain to someone else made me feel like I was better able to understand and take part in making decisions for Owen. Most days, I just needed to share Owen’s story because talking/writing about it was how I made a very surreal situation real.
When we started CB for Owen, Kyle and I both agreed that we wanted the tone (I know, only two marketers would talk about the tone they wanted for CB) to be factual and not overly emotional. We thought we were doing it for all of you – not wanting to dump on you all. In hindsight, we were probably doing it for self-preservation too. I don’t know that we were capable of processing how we felt yet. Kyle often uses the analogy of going to battle when he describes our life. “Just keep battling” he says and then I roll my eyes. But, he’s right. There was no time for really digging deep into emotions. Don’t get me wrong, we both have had monumental meltdowns and really productive conversations with others and each other, but we always had to get up the next day and keep going, for each other and for the boys.
I’m not saying that I’m going to stop getting up, but I do think I’ve reached a point where it’s time for me to really deal with the toll the last year has taken on all of us. Owen has the physical scars and the sick lungs, but the rest of us have wounds too and in order for him to have his best possible outcome, we need to heal too. And for some reason, me, a person who has made hiding her emotions an art form, somehow wants to do that in the most public manner possible. Maybe it’s like what I said earlier about absorbing all the information we we’re getting on Owen, explaining it to someone else helps me better understand and rationalize it.. But I also think that there needs to be more attention about parents coming out of all of this healthy too, so I hope that being part of the dialogue will help us and other parents too.
So, now you know the Thursday post will be dedicated to Therapy Thursdays. If there is big news, say Owen getting discharged from the hospital (hint hint), I’ll let you know in a separate post but you can always get announcements like that most quickly on Facebook.
Letting you know why Therapy Thursdays exist are as far as I’ll go this week. Next week, I’ll write about Owen’s birthday and how the day really made me feel.
Speaking of birthdays, Happy Birthday to an amazing one year old today! She knows who she is – You’re #1 to us sweet girl, we are thinking of you and your brother and sister today.© Copyright Tatum, All rights Reserved. Written For: Ain't No Roller Coaster