Dear Pre-Mom Me

For someone who isn’t even sure she wants kids, you sure have a lot of parenting opinions.

Probably your biggest opinion is on McDonald’s.  YOUR kids are never going to eat at McDonald’s.

I have news for you.   Kellen eats McDonald’s one to two times a month. (Don’t worry you almost never order anything for yourself…unless it’s Holiday Mint McFlurry season and then you go…every.  single.  day).

Not only does Kellen eat and enjoy McDonald’s.  Today, I was only slightly embarrassed to arrive at his school at lunch time and hand the box with the golden arches over to the teacher.  I can hear your gasp from 5 years away…believe me, you will do this!  Need some proof?


I’m pretty sure he thought he was the coolest kid in class when the teacher gave him his lunch today.  Cool mom points!!

Here’s another thing, remember your opinions on TV?  Hate to break it to you, but Kellen is a fan.  He watches about an hour a day.  He calls it “TD”.  You use it to bribe him regularly (oh, yes, you do sink to bribing.  It’s quite effective.  You’ll see).  Today, he woke up, got himself dressed, brushed his teeth and came in proud as could be.  He got himself ready for school without any nagging so he was able to watch “TD” until it was time to leave.  It was the best morning all week!  (You become quite the nag; it’s not very becoming).

“TD” really isn’t so bad.  They learn things.  Curious George  is the favorite as of late.  Without the man in the yellow hat and that naughty little monkey, Kellen may not know how to do this.

Oh, he was so proud.  He actually asked me to record it.

I’m sure there are many other things I do today, that would appall you, but I’ve forgotten you ever thought they were bad.  Here’s my opinion on your opinions; shut up and come talk to in 3-5 years.

PS:  Hold on tight.  You do have kids and you are glad you do.  Things are going to get rough.  Really rough.  You’ll surprise yourself with how well you handle it.  Not to be patronizing, but I’m pretty proud of you.


© Copyright Tatum, All rights Reserved. Written For: Ain't No Roller Coaster

18 thoughts on “Dear Pre-Mom Me

  1. All of those, plus a few stellar ones. I actually caught myself saying, “You need to eat the cheerios you threw on the floor before I give you more.” We did CIO, daycare, going out with dirty clothes and/or messy hair, skipping veggies at a meal because I know they’ll just throw them on the floor anyway. I make a million abhorrent decisions a day, if you ask childless people or the childless me.

    • Great adds, Kelly! I’ve done/do each of those. The floor is the only place Owen eats…who am I to tell a kid who doesn’t eat to not eat off the floor?

    • oh, thanks for telling me that, Nicole. such a great compliment to hear that you said what someone needed to hear that day. You are a great mom!

  2. My biggest one would be the DVD player in the car. Then it was, my kids can read books and play the roadsign alphabet game like we used to do. Once we had our second it became, a place where I can legally strap them into a chair and enjoy an hour or two of their attention being mostly diverted for our trips across the state?! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

  3. HAHAHA awesome! I totally have it on my list to write about how my future child would NEVER touch plastic toys and would only handle natural woods and fabrics hand-whittled into gnomes and other such things. OH HOW I LOL AT ME 😉

  4. My kid totally learns stuff from TD. We are digging Little Einsteins now, and it’s actually not bad at all. Oh. And McDonald’s – if he eats, I’m happy. Plus, you know. Apples are healthy. Even ones that are on the floor.

  5. I always feel like I need to cover my face when I take my kids to McDonalds…. And I second Kristi’s comment about Little Einsteins…. seriously, they learn music terms and amazing artists, and Spanish from Dora! Way better than the Loony Tunes crap we watched! Thanks for being honest.

  6. Oh, I love this! And I am so glad I am not the only one. In fact, I’d like to print it out and give it to some of my friends who don’t have kids yet! I frequently bite back my urge to say, “Just you wait….” The McD’s and TV were two of my “never”s. Ha! What a joke!

    • I’ve come to realize that the only way McD’s food can taste so bad and they are still the biggest restaurant chain the world is because of kids. It’s great to meet you, Stephanie, I’m a new follower.

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